I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
