Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
