i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
