at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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