I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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