You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
