i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
