Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
