Tell her she can't have a vagina
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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