I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
The air taste purple.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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