my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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