Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
