May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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