Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Im part way to drunk.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
