so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
