Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
