a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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