I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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