i love accidental penises.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
