He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
