if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Pooping to opera.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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