I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
