her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
