Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
