the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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