the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
