Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
