Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
