i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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