Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
