I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize
