apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
