He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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