I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
