I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
