What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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