I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
