Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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