We're like a lot better than the average bears
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
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