It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
