I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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