I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
