You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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