walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
