I hate all girls vehemently.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
