I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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