you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
