she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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