were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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