Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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