he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
