I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
