That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
