We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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