Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
