I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
