Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
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