I wish I could teleport
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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