Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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