he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
