i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
