Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
