I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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