He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
