I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
