I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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