take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Randomize
