I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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