Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
