I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
